I Survived General Conference

(Warning: I am upset. I am not going to pretend otherwise. This contains a lot of discussion of sexism in a religious context. While I generally try to keep this blog focused on theology and practice, and pretty neutral on issues of church leadership, this post is going to be frank. I’m tagging this with some general tags that might draw attention from mainstream Mormon sources, and as such it might draw more attention than my usual fare. I’m perfectly willing to engage in discussions, but with the caveat that any abusive comments will be deleted. Also, if the discussion gets to be too much for my anxiety, I can and will close comments. Even if any comments remain civil, this is still a possibility. It may have nothing to do with the content of the discussion or the participants thereof, and I hope that no one takes it personally if this should happen. It is simply a result of my anxiety disorder. Sorry.)

That title makes it sound like I lived through a major battle. In some ways, it feels like it.

For those of you unaware, General Conference is the semi-annual church-wide meeting for all Mormons. In April and October, the church leadership in Salt Lake City broadcasts ten hours of sermons over the course of a weekend, broken up into two-hour sessions. It can be very draining. When I was younger, this was simply because it was difficult for me to sit still and pay attention long enough to satisfy my parents. As I got older, I started paying attention for myself. These days, though… well, let’s get a little backstory in here.

I mentioned a group called Ordain Women in the comments a while ago. OW is a group of women who are attempting to draw attention to the gender equality in the LDS church, specifically in relation to priesthood ordination. The vast majority of the group are Mormon (though there are a few non-member allies), and I count myself among that number.

As part of General Conference, there is a priesthood meeting. This meeting is geared towards holders of the priesthood (which basically means any male member age 12 and older who has no major sin issues in their way), but is actually open to any male age 12 and up, regardless of actual priesthood status.

Last October, many members of Ordain Women gathered together to ask for admittance to the priesthood session of General Conference. I was unable to attend, but my name was carried on a card by one of these sisters to represent those of us in support from far away. As we all expected, they were turned away at the door while men were ushered past. It was a quiet and respectful action, without shouting or anything disruptive. It was simply a group of people standing in a line, asking a question, and then leaving. Despite this, we were accused of ruining the spiritual atmosphere of General Conference, attempting to destroy the church, serving Satan, and more.

General Conference occurred again this weekend. Just like last time, OW staged a priesthood session action. Just like last time, the attendees were polite and respectful. Just like last time, they were turned away. And just like last time, we were all accused of the same things. If anything, though, I believe the vitriol was far worse. To the credit of many members, I did see plenty of people who disagreed with us in a polite manner and urged others to be respectful in their disagreements. There were people who were shocked by the hatred (and threats of violence) that we faced, and some of these people stated that they wished us well, though they didn’t share our views.

Unfortunately, that didn’t make up for the rest. I’ll never forget the man who claimed that we should all be burned at the stake as heretics, or the ones who angrily wished for us all to die alone and unloved, or the ones who told us with absolute certainty that we would burn in hell because we were serving Satan.

All of this, just for standing in a line and asking a question.

The church’s PR department has even released a statement filled with outright lies about what occurred in that line, claiming that the members of Ordain Women were disruptive, refused to leave when asked, and ignored the requests of ushers. They were able to get away with this because they barred any press from attending, so no one was there to report the truth except for the actual members of Ordain Women, who many won’t believe.

I cried as I frantically updated the Twitter feed where the people in line kept us all informed. I knew that my name was on a card being held by someone in that line (the wonderful sister who did this has since emailed me to tell me how it went, and I cannot thank her enough for that). Though I think we all knew what would happen, I saw pictures of women being turned away with tears in their eyes, hugging each other for comfort. As there were over 500 members of Ordain Women present, many of them were still in line as the meeting began.

I expected some sort of backhanded comments from the speakers about the Ordain Women action, but I was utterly unprepared for what followed. Dallin H. Oaks, one of the members of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, was the first to speak, and he made no pretenses about his subject. His talk was directly aimed at Ordain Women and their supporters, and everyone knew it. As of my writing this post, the official transcript has not yet been released on LDS.org, but an unofficial one can be found here.

He talked about the authority that women have been given and how wonderful it is, completely ignoring the fact that this authority is limited to other women and children, and that we are always subject to men, no matter our positions of authority. There is no option for a woman to have complete authority, since all bishops, stake presidents, and higher authorities are men. He actually described the Relief Society as an “appendage” to the priesthood. An appendage. You know, those things that have no autonomy and cannot survive without the main body (though the body can do just fine without an appendage).

He told us to stop thinking about our rights (AKA the things that we are all entitled to as children of deity), and instead on our responsibilities (AKA the things that he tells us to do). Not only is this problematic for the reasons in parentheses, but it also implies that we are selfishly unaware of the things that we are supposed to do to help others, instead focusing on our wants and desires. Insulting.

He claims that God has directed only men to be ordained to the priesthood, though offers nothing to substantiate this. He states it as if it is accepted doctrinal fact, despite the fact that no leader has ever referred to revelation on this matter. The only times this supposed doctrine has been referenced has been in this manner, with no supporting references to revelation or scripture. There hasn’t even been a simple, “We have prayed and received revelation on this subject.” Nothing. Just blind assertions with nothing to back it up.

Elder Oaks manages to then finish up his talk with references to the very harmful idea of childbearing as the equivalent to priesthood (which is horrible to those women who struggle with infertility, do not possess a uterus, or do not desire children, not to mention that he is equating a biological function with a spiritual one), as well as benevolent sexist comments about how of course women are the equals to men and how we’re just so super special and wonderful and how we’re totally equal, but with different responsibilities. I was trying very hard not to cry in front of my family by the end of this talk, and it made it practically impossible for me to appreciate the genuinely enlightening or uplifting talks through the rest of the weekend.

There was only one message that I was able to take away from this talk: “You are silly, ignorant women who don’t understand your place. Stop.”

Well, I have a message for you, Elder Oaks. I am not ignorant. My Heavenly Parents and I define my place, not you. And I will not stop until They tell me to. Try to make me. I dare you.